I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
