Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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