I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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