My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
