And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
