Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
