Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
