I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
