its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
pray to the hookup gods
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
