do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
