There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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