capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
3pm strippers are depressing
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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