im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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