lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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