alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
