Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
love makes seman taste better
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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