Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
