Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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