It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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