her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
