White coat. Heels.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
