I can text with my tongue
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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