Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
