Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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