take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize