It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
