he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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