I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
