it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
