Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
