eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
