this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
