i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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