every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
