I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
