If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
