the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
