real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
