Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
