Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
