Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize