Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
