If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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