you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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