Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
