I will die if light touches me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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