when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
