its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
