Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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