Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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