I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
