ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize