How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
