Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
