is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
