There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
