Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
