we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why do cheetos always look like penises
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
