What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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