When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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