i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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