Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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