I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to make out with him forever
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
