mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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