what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
