hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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