I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
