Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
