I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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