You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
