i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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