U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
