Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
handjob tips. give me some.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
